


Dreams With Open Eyes

by cruelest_month



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Beholding, Canon-Typical Mutual Pining, Conversations can solve problems, Dream Interactions, Far too many eyes, Gen, Loneliness, M/M, Misunderstandings, Some happiness and some issues, Spoilers for Episode 142, slight Manipulation, unreality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 15:02:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19396585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cruelest_month/pseuds/cruelest_month
Summary: A statement and concerns about Jon follow Martin home. And pursue him even further.





	Dreams With Open Eyes

**_And he was all eyes._** The thought comes unbidden as Martin stares down at the notes he’s taken. It wasn’t as if there was actually a Jon Complaint Form. Not yet, at any rate.

_If I promote myself, do I get a raise?_ he wonders with a sigh, absently drawing one eye then another.

Eventually he gathers up his things and heads home. He passes the café and stops outside of it, staring in awkwardly. Jon is not there. Jon is on a ship heading off to do something absolutely foolish and reckless. Is it better or worse than tormenting strangers? Martin isn’t sure.

The apartment is a bit of a mess. Dishes are piled up in the sink and there are boxes lined up to form a wall between his small kitchen and the living room. Some of them are old memories from a childhood he’d just as soon forget. The rest are his mother’s belongings that he has yet to go through. Really he just needs to dial a few numbers and have them all taken away.

He heats up a bowl of leftover pasta and cuts away at the bad bits of an apple before he devours the rest. It isn’t the most exciting of dinners, but it’s tolerable. He washes it down with tea and then heads to bed.

**_And he was all eyes._** And Martin’s dreams are full of them.

They are small and round. They are large and opulent. They are oval and menacing. They are diamonds full of longing. Purple, silver, green, red, blue, and brown shapes glowing dim in darkness as he wanders through the Magnus Institute.

They watch as the ticking of Elias’ clock grows louder and louder. As the office seems to shrink and bend in around Martin like a folding screen. It gets harder and harder to breathe as the eyes grow larger and luminous. The walls become like the barriers of a coffin. The carpet slowly gives way to damp earth.

Then it stops and everything takes a deep breath including Martin before expanding. The office jolts and shifts back to normal. Well, as normal as Elias’ office is likely to get. With a burst of energy, the eyes shove the walls away. The darkness is replaced by white.

The eyes come unfurling from a golden center like feathers, fanning out across the dreamscape, covering it entirely.

All at once they all close.

When they collectively re-open, the golden center is a throne. All of the eyes are shining bright like spotlights. All of them are pointed at him.

Martin brings up a hand to shield his face.

“Found you.”

Martin sighs shakily.

“It has been difficult to find you.”

“You’re not meant to,” Martin quietly explains. “Jon, it’s—”

“Does it seem like I care?” There is a pause. Jon sighs. He rises from his golden seat. “Let me rephrase. Do you think it matters _why_ you’re hiding from me?”

“I’m not… It’s not hiding.”

“You’re choosing him and his god. Is loneliness so much better than time spent with me?”

“No.”

“Then what are you doing?”

Martin scoffs. “I could ask you the same thing!”

The eyes surrounding them blink.

“You haven’t,” Jon points out. “You won’t ask anything of me. You won’t talk to me, Martin. **_Talk to me._** ”

Martin hesitates but he can’t keep from explaining himself. “I want to talk to you only I need to protect you more. I need to protect everyone. I’m keeping away because there’s something I have to do. It’s important. It’s to keep you safe.”

Jon laughs. It’s not a kind sound, not exactly. He seems to be trying to keep it from sounding as harsh as it does, but there’s a raspy, angry quality to it. “When have I ever been safe?”

“At first…”

“At first you were there for me. I realize I… I suppose we all took it for granted. When I woke up, you were gone.”

Martin has felt guilty about this for a long time. He winces, unsure what he could have done differently. He would have liked to have done whatever that was. Still, he only has the one set of eyes and he doesn’t ever seem to know as much as he’d prefer.

“You were gone and you left behind…” Jon sighs heavily. There is a profound exhaustion to his tone. When Martin looks up, he can see just how tired Jon is. How lonely Jon is. “I should have been kinder before you were gone. Now I just wish I could find you. To tell you…”

Martin watches him quietly.

“To tell you I want you with me,” Jon murmurs. “There’s more but I want to say it when I’m really with you. You’re not to leave anymore, Martin. Not because of me.”

“I didn’t leave because of you. I mean, that is… I left to help you.”

Jon clutches his head briefly then snarls. The eyes seem to shake as he clenches his fists. “It isn’t helping. Can’t you see that?”

“Jon…”

“When I come back— _If_ I come back, it’ll be different. I will make it different.”

Martin wonders what that will look like. Jon is already behaving abnormally. He should say something about it. Later on he will wonder why he didn’t. Later on he will guilty as he realizes how unimportant statements and bystanders seem in this moment. “What if that means I can’t save you?”

“If the only way to save me means I lose you then… What exactly are you saving, Martin?”

“And the others? Am I meant to give up on saving them?”

“You’re meant to find another way. The others don’t want this either. I know that they miss you. No one asked you to do this.”

“Sacrifice—”

Jon growls low in the back of his throat. “Is foolish when no one besides Peter bloody Lukas expects it of you.”

Martin swallows hard, considering this. Eventually he nods.

Jon moves closer and the eyes drift out of his path. He stops in front of Martin. There is the faint outline of gold chains covering his arms, wrapping around him, slowly drawing him back and away.

Jon’s fingers are clawed but gently as they scrape against Martin’s cheek. He kisses Martin’s forehead before pulling back.

“I’ll find you again. Stop disappearing. **_Promise._** ”

There is an urgent insistence to these words. Martin hesitates, wishing he could shrug it off, feeling trapped for an instant. Then he sighs, giving in. He can’t keep Jon safe if he avoids Jon, not really.

“I promise. I won’t disappear. Jon, I—”

A finger touches his lips. “When I see you again, then you’ll tell me. We’ll tell each other.”

When Martin wakes, he still feels every single one of Jon’s eyes even though he doesn’t see them. For a moment, he’s confused and wary. Then he feels something wet and warm roll down his cheek. It’s the relief of being known. Of being seen. He hasn’t felt truly seen in so long.

How did he ever think distance would be enough? Now he has it in spades until Jon comes back. Because Jon has to come back, he has to. Suddenly all that pain Martin has blotted out becomes quite visceral. Every thought in his head is of Jon. And Martin will save him. The mistake he’s made is trying to do so alone.


End file.
